Thursday, June 30, 2005

Spam Tales

Feeling lazy writing wise. Heres a bit of art I created a while ago from a series called Spam Tales. It reads:
'How Smart are YOU?'
'How close are you to being a genius?'
'Are you smarter than George Bush?'
Liguori Wunderlin, 'Millionaire Mentor Needs YOU', Generous Lender
YourBrain - 'Get paid for Yours'. 'Assured Life', 'Get a New Body for NO Money!'

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Brain Transplant
paper collage, ink

Over a few months I compiled a list of interesting spam senders and titles. I mashed them into semi-coherent spiels then I came up with collages for each story. There were 5 in the series. 3 of them, this one included, were mainly composed of material from an late 19th C children's annual that was beyond repair. I doctored the images - for example the women were not so curvey - the old fashioned way, with a scalpel and ink! The other 2 used magazine ads for perfume and womens underwear :D

Saturday, June 18, 2005

She's got legs!

Listening to: ‘Blue Monday’ by New Order

A week of several firsts for me:
0 Bought my first set of tyres. Chose not to cut corners on choice of tyre. I thought I wouldn’t have enough money to go out this week to my favourite night club, Cabaret Nocturne as a result. Ironically the venue for CN is a neighbouring tenant to this tyre shop.

0 Spoke with my manager about the possibility of my progress through the company into management. She said has mentioned to our regional manager, my good management potential. This was the first time she and I had discussed it. Finally, a employer that has real opportunities for advancement - and not spin doctoring to suck you into thinking you can grow :/

0 Walked out of Max Brenners really pissed off, contemplating ripping up my frequent cupper card, after getting fed up with waiting for service. My buddy and I chatted for a while expecting the usual attentive service on a Friday night. Had to ask for menu after about 10 minutes, then we waited another 15 minutes to place our order via waiter/ess. Stupid git of a waitress appeared to think wiping the tables next to us was more important than checking to see if we were being served, or even ackowledging that we were there at all!!! Seriously disappointed :( We had such a nice history Max B and I. Have had only good things to say about the place until now. May not go back there again - ever. F*** 'em.

0 Bought my first trench coat. Rain proof, fully lined and necessary because…

0 …Wore fishnet hosiery in public (to CN). Actually I’ve never worn fishnets in private either, unless you count trying them on, so it’s a first on two counts :)

0 Saw a burlesque show (@ CN). Never been to one before. It bored me [shrug]. Do you need to be attracted to women to find this interesting?

While I haven’t gotten to the stage where I can dance totally alone on the dance floor and be completely comfortable, I think I’m getting there. There were a few times last night where I thought I’d be totally alone. After feeling a small panic and cursing quietly, I persisted dancing in the darkest corner I could find. I ended up being ‘joined’ by at least one other person, sometimes a small crowd.

That’s the beauty of goth clubs: you can dance by yourself and that’s perfectly normal, while not attracting too much unwanted male attention. Be a woman dancing by herself in a mainstream club and … Well, I haven’t tried it but I’m sure I wouldn’t like it. Found intrusive/intoxicated males annoying enough when dancing with other people.

Did you know...
WARNING: Retchworthy factoids to follow.
… Humpback whales have almost the same weight of testicles as they have of brains? That’s 5 kg of brain to 4 kg of testicles.

To prepare a whale skeleton from a carcass, museum curators must extract that brain. It’s usually done with a hose fed into the back of the skull. Turn the hose on and the water displaces the brain which ‘balloons out like pink minced tripe if it’s fresh, or rotten haggis if it’s off.’* Despite what you’ve read in this blog about my skull recovery escapades, this is a skull I’d leave to the professionals! When they don’t have a hose they will scoop it out with their hands - yech.

* Van Dyk, Dr Steve ‘Humpbacks: cannon balls and brains’, Nature Australia, Spring 2004, page 20

Thursday, June 09, 2005


Listening to: ‘Dirty Mind’ by Shakespear’s Sister

On Monday I had trouble getting anything in focus on a telescope a customer was interested in, so got my colleague to help out. She took it and him outside the store into the atrium. Being towards the end of the day it was getting dark*. Too dark to focus on anything, save for one store: Bras ‘n’ Things. [outer smirk, giggles, some post customer cackles]

Was standing at tram stop on St Kilda Road this afternoon, Fed Square side, when I happened to look up and see a 2’ high sign saying ‘C OCKS’ [inner smirk] It was the sign for the gambling den next to the station, which normally reads (Taberet?)‘CLOCKS’ but I had happened to stand in a spot where the frame for the windows of the tram stop opposite, cut out the ‘L’. While on the tram it happened again. Two foot high ‘COCKS’ strategically framed by the tram’s windows. [another inner smirk], actually reads ‘ALCOCKS’. They are a pool and gaming tables supplier.

In other news...
[singing like Marilyn Monroe to JFK]
Happy Birthday… to you
Happy Birthday… to you
Happy Birthday… Johnny Depp…
Mmmmm :*)
Happy Birthday… to you

*When using a telescope for terrestrial use you need daytime conditions. When using it for space you need night time conditions with a minimum of ‘light pollution’.